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Random Quote

Naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm, and a two-foot salami under the other. The bartender says, I guess you won't be needing a drink. Naked lady says...OOOH SHIIIT!
--Bender from The Breakfast Club

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
--Steven Wright

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
--Steven Wright

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
--Steven Wright

On the other hand, you have different fingers.
--Steven Wright

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?
--Steven Wright

I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint, no canvas, I just think about it.
--Steven Wright

I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes.
--Steven Wright

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
--Steven Wright

I got up one morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called Information. She said, Hello, Information. I said, I can't find my socks. She said, They're behind the couch. And they were!
--Steven Wright

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
--Steven Wright

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Monday 10th December 2018 07:32:04 AM blitzed